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Writing Better Emails: You Sent “A or B?” and They Replied “Yes”
The Problem
Has this ever happened to you? You send an email, offering two mutually-exclusive choices, for example:
Would you rather use an external hard drive or an online service to back up your computer?
And then the other person replies, “Yes.”
Read on for my advice on different ways that you might handle this.
Don’t respond quickly, especially if you feel frustrated
There are any number of reasons why the other person didn’t reply in the way that you expected or wanted, including:
- They may have many other, more important things demanding their attention.
- They may be overwhelmed or have difficulty focusing.
- They may be reading your email on a tiny mobile device screen.
- They may be responding to the larger or implied question, “Do you want to back up your computer?”
- They may be trying to say, “I’d like to do both” in a humorous way.
- They may only have read the first or last part of your message and thought that they were sending a clear answer in response to a single choice, not realizing that you were offering two.
- They may handle details very differently than you.
- They may not understand (or remember) the pros, cons, or consequences of the choices you’re offering.
- They might have intended to write more but they hit Send too early, and then simply moved on.
- They might have intended to reply “Yes” to someone else’s message, but accidentally sent that reply to you.
Cultivate relaxed curiosity
Don’t reply with frustration or annoyance.
Instead, be kind, keep it light, and be gently persistent as you try to get a useful response to your question.
Here are some replies that I’ve found helpful to send:
- Thanks, but I’m a little confused. I offered two different backup choices, and you replied, “Yes.” Try that again? :)
- I’m not following you. Which of those two backup choices would you prefer?
- When you wrote, “Yes,” were you saying that you wanted to do both? :)
I’ve also found that adding phrases like the following can emphasize how much you value your relationship with them and motivate them to respond:
- When you have a moment
- Can you help me with this?
- Thanks for your help with this
- I might be over-thinking this
- Perhaps I’m missing something
- As always, I'd rather be careful than quick
Or, if the conversation is getting too complicated, stop emailing and call them on the phone. Prepare in advance what you’re going to say, since you may find yourself leaving a voicemail.
Be clearer next time
Here’s another way to phrase this type of question that might prevent this problem in the future:
Which approach would you prefer to use to back up your computer:
a. Using an external hard drive?
-or-
b. Using an online backup service?
I’m happy to explain the pros and cons of each choice.
This approach:
- Makes the choices that you’re offering more visible by spreading them out over several lines with plenty of vertical whitespace.
- You could also use bold or color to highlight the key words in each choice.
- Consider offering additional options like: -or- c. Something else? -or- d. Revisit this question a month from now?
Where to go from here
As always, if this seems too difficult to do on your own, I recommend that you talk to someone you know and trust who can help you review what you’ve written or are preparing to say.
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