|
Writing Better Emails: Don’t Plunge Into Details Too Soon!
The Problem
Has this ever happened to you? A friend or colleague or client emails you a question, and (if you like detail as much as I do) you write a lengthy reply, listing many choices, their pros and cons, potential consequences, etc. Then, instead of responding with some clarifying questions, or sharing what they’ve decided upon, or simply thanking you for helping them, they reply that they don’t understand, or it’s too much to take in, or they don’t reply at all.
Or, you might realize that their question raises a number of subtle and complex issues, and you’d like to find a middle ground between leaping into explaining all of them vs. simply saying, “It’s complicated.”
You’re not alone! I used to do this pretty often, until I came up with more productive approaches that also took less of my time. On the other hand, some of those lengthy emails that I wrote turned into good newsletter topics.
Read on for my advice on some good strategies for responding in this situation.
Two simple responses to consider first
Occasionally, the most appropriate response is “Just do X, it’s the best choice in your case. I’m happy to explain in more detail if you’d like.”
Many times the best response is “Great question! However, this is actually too complicated to discuss via email, so let’s talk about this by phone or Zoom. When are you available?”
Gently leading the other person through the details using a layered approach
For questions where the above two suggestions aren’t appropriate, I’ve found the following approach to be very productive, whether you’re talking with the other person via email, or live via phone or Zoom.
If you find yourself coming up with some choices or suggestions, each with important details to be discussed, pros and cons, consequences, etc., I recommend resisting the temptation to plunge into those details, which may leave the other person overwhelmed. Taking more time may also lead you to discover additional choices, and help you think about all of the choices in more depth.
Ask permission, present your ideas in stages
In general, I recommend asking the other person’s permission at each stage, which reinforces that this is a conversation, not a lecture. For example, “I have some ideas regarding where we go from here. Shall I list them for you?”
Then, describe the choices that come to mind using a high-level perspective, keeping your information about each one to a very short summary. Be sure to mention that you’ll have additional questions (or that that there will be more to discuss), depending on the direction that the discussion takes.
As you finish, ask which choices they might prefer among the ones you’ve offered, and if they can suggest another alternative as well.
Then you can give more detail
If they express interest in one or more of the choices you’ve offered, ask whether they’d like you to go into more depth. For example, “Would it be helpful if I went into a little more detail about each of those choices?”
If they agree, then it’s appropriate to describe those choices in more detail.
Postponing
If they seem reluctant to discuss the choices you’re offering, I suggest asking whether discussing this later might be a good idea. Or they might simply tell you this directly.
Either way, offer to resume the conversation later, and suggest a specific timeframe, for example, in a month or two. Then, follow through by proactively checking in within that timeframe that the two of you agreed to. Don’t wait for them to contact you.
Summary of this technique
This approach begins with something similar to presenting a table of contents of a book or magazine. The reader is in control, and can express interest in particular chapters or articles, which lets you then expand on just those particular areas.
In essence, you’re addressing the complexity of the discussion in stages or layers, using multiple conversations over time, instead of trying to put the entire discussion into one lengthy email or phone call. You will have to keep track of how far the discussion has progressed, along with the next discussion point you will need to present, but this approach will be much more likely to not only avoid overwhelming the other person, but they will also have understood and agreed with each step along the way, which means that they are also more likely to remember more of it later because they participated in a discussion that unfolded over time with their consent.
Examples
Without plunging into the details just yet, a caterer asks their client whether they need to consider vegetarian options or food allergies, while also briefly mentioning that each of those choices will spark further discussion of more detailed options.
A computer consultant asks a client which of the following approaches they would prefer to use to address the most frustrating issues they’re experiencing:
- Try to fix (or work around) those issues
- Getting a new vs. used computer
- Moving to a new or used computer
- Something else?
Here’s a slightly more detailed version of that same list:
- Try to fix (or work around) those issues: Pick the top 3 problems, we’ll try to solve them or develop workarounds, then at what point do we give up and replace the computer?
- Getting a new vs. used computer: Pros and cons, hardware and software requirements, where to shop, cost, peace of mind, lifespan
- Moving to a new or used computer: Install software, transfer data, confirm everything works, eventually erasing old computer and then donating or disposing of it
- Something else? Refer the client to a more specialized repairperson, move from Windows to Macintosh or Macintosh to Windows, etc.
Conditional choices
If there are dependent or conditional choices in your list, keep it simple at the start. For example, if choice A will lead to choices 1 vs. 2, whereas choice B will lead to choices 3 vs. 4, limit your first discussion to briefly summarizing A and B, without getting into 1, 2, 3, or 4 just yet.
Top-down vs. bottom-up
Most of the examples above use a top-down approach, but sometimes starting with a few important details can be more productive.
For example, with a client who wants to buy a new printer, instead of starting with specific printer models or retailers, I’ve found it most productive to first discuss the basic features they need vs. don’t need, each of which helps narrow down the choices, including: Do they want a simple printer vs. a printer/copier/scanner/fax? Inkjet vs. laser? 8.5x11 or large-format? Only then are we ready to discuss specific makes and models, reviews, where to shop, prices, etc.
Where to go from here
As always, if this seems too difficult to accomplish on your own, I recommend that you talk to someone you know and trust who can help you.
| 
